Top 30 Lucifer TV show quotes: Lucifer Morningstar, Amenadiel and others

Top Lucifer quotes: Lucifer Morningstar, Amenadiel and others 

Lucifer TV show top quotes



Lucifer, bored from his sulking life in hell, comes to live in Los Angeles. While there, he helps humanity with its miseries through his experience and telepathic abilities to bring people’s deepest desires and thoughts out of them. While meeting with a girl in his nightclub (called Lux), a shootout involving him and the girl leads him to become an LAPD consultant who tries to punish people for their crimes through law and justice.
Stars: Tom Ellis, Lauren German, Kevin Alejandro

Lucifer TV show quotes


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Lucifer TV show quotes

Lucifer TV show top quotes

Lucifer TV show top quotes
Lucifer TV show top quotes

Lucifer TV show top quotes

Lucifer TV show top quotes GIF

Lucifer Morningstar

Lucifer Morningstar gif

Lucifer TV show top quotes

Lucifer TV show top quotes gif

Lucifer TV show top quotes

Lucifer TV show top quotes

Lucifer TV show top quotes

Lucifer TV show top quotes

Lucifer TV show top quotes

Lucifer TV show top quotes

Lucifer TV show top quotes gif

Lucifer TV show top quotes

Lucifer TV show top quotes

Lucifer TV show top quotes

Lucifer TV show top quotes

Lucifer TV show top quotes

Lucifer TV show top quotes

Lucifer TV show top quotes

Lucifer TV show top quotes

Lucifer TV show top quotes

Lucifer TV show top quotes

Lucifer TV show top quotes

Lucifer TV show top quotes

Lucifer TV show top quotes

Lucifer TV show top quotes

Lucifer TV show top quotes

Lucifer TV show top quotes

Traffic Cop: You know why I pulled you over?

Lucifer Morningstar: Well, obviously you felt the need to exercise your limited powers and punish me for ignoring the speed limit. It’s okay, I understand. It’s…I…I like to punish people too. Or, at least I used to.

Amenadiel: Your return to the underworld has been requested.
Lucifer: Oh, right. Okay. Let me just, uh…check my calendar. Yeah, here it is. Uh…the 7th of Never through to the 15th of Ain’t Gonna Happen. How’s that work for you guys? Ah, look…remind Dad that I quit Hell because I was sick and tired of playing a part in His play.
Amenadiel: I’m gonna warn you against disrespecting our Father, Lucifer.
Lucifer: Yeah, well, our Father’s been disrespecting me since the beginning of time, so pot-kettle, don’t you think?
Amenadiel: You…are a mockery of everything divine.
Lucifer: Thank you.

Chloe Decker: Why don’t you tell me something? How did she end up dying in a hailstorm of bullets and you get away without a scratch? I think that’s interesting, don’t you?
Lucifer: The benefits of immortality.
Chloe: Immortality? Mm. Of course. Uh…you spell that with one or two “m”s? I always forget.

2Vile: You have a problem with black people?
Lucifer: No, not in the slightest. I just hate your music. And when I say your music, I mean your music, not the music made by other black people. Without the blues, there would be no Devil’s music whatsoever. There are of course many giants in the field. Just not you. Am I being clear?

Trixie: My name’s Beatrice but everybody calls me Trixie.
Lucifer: That’s a hooker’s name.
Trixie: What’s a hooker?
Lucifer: Ask your mother.

Lucifer, Stay. Good Devil

Chloe: So our only evidence is currently in your lungs?
Lucifer: Uh, you really wanted to say “up in smoke” then, didn’t you?
Chloe: No. No, I most definitely did not.

Dr. Linda Martin: So you’re the Devil?
Lucifer: Yes. Yes. Well, Satan, Beelzebub, Old Scratch. Actually, I like that one in particular. But, uh, those were the old me. These days, you just have plain old Lucifer.
Linda: And you’ve left Hell behind to take a vacation in Los Angeles?
Lucifer: Well, where else would I go?

Lucifer: What makes you different?
Chloe: I guess we both have our mysteries.
Lucifer: Ah. Well, I’ll show you mine if you show me yours.

Linda: Sometimes it’s easier to make intimate issues about something bigger than yourself.
Lucifer: Well, there are few things bigger than myself.
Linda: I’m well aware.

Lucifer: I think you like me.
Chloe: What part of the look on my face gives you that impression?

The Would-Be Prince of Darkness

Linda: You know, you say… you say people are phony here, but I think people come here to re-invent themselves. That’s why I think you’re here. To reinvent yourself.
Lucifer: Why would I mess with perfection?

Young Woman: Lucifer Morningstar, the guy who owns Lux?
Lucifer: Yes, that is me.
Young Woman: No it’s not. I’ve seen him before, his beats are sick.
Lucifer: I very much beg your pardon?
Young Woman: Yeah, he performed at a rap battle in The Valley last week.
Lucifer: Every part of that horrifies me.
Young Woman: It is so gross, that you’re pretending to be someone you’re not. And your accent is fake.

Chloe: Finally some rain. Maybe someone up there is looking out for us.
Lucifer: I can assure you He’s in no way meteorologically-inclined. Apart from the whole Noah thing and that was a one-off.

Lucifer: Do I get a code word? You know, for when you take her down. If so, might I suggest “monkey bottoms”? ‘Cause trust me, I can work that into any sentence quite naturally.

Dan Espinoza: Once I engage with her, I will hire her to fix a problem of mine.
Lucifer: Right. Well, if it’s that stick up your ass, I’m afraid there’s no one strong enough to pull that out.

Sweet Kicks

Maze: But if you insist on continuing this exploration, maybe next time, I won’t be around to save your ass.
Lucifer: Well, that is a shame. ‘Cause you and my backside used to get on very well. My front side as well, actually.

Chloe: Please tell me I’m hallucinating.
Lucifer: Well, I am dreamy, but try to contain yourself.

Barista: And your name?
Maze: “Mazikeen”.
Barista: How do you spell that?
Maze: Surprise me.

Lucifer: The good news is that whilst all dogs go to Heaven, you’d be surprised how many pigs are waiting for you in Hell.

Lucifer: I’m now an official civilian consultant for the LAPD. Not that there’s anything civil about the Devil. What fun would that be?

Favorite Son

Lucifer: This poor sap’s either already in Hell or in the “Silver City, enduring Uriel‘s welcome speech, which is far worse than Hell, if you ask me.
Chloe: Let’s pretend for one second that you’re someone else. Someone nice, someone mature.
Lucifer: Ooh, I love role-play.

Linda: And yet you keep trying on many hats to hide your horns. Playboy, cop, club owner…
Lucifer: Yes, you forget “master of all things tongue-related.”

Linda: If only I knew someone who could help me with the Bible.
Amenadiel: (as Dr. Canaan) I know so much about it, it’s almost as if I was there.

Lucifer: That was incredible. It was musical, poetic, really. We were like fish and chips, salt and pepper. Hipsters and condescension.

Chloe: I need your help like I need a third boob.
Lucifer: Hmm.
Chloe: Wait. Don’t say a word. ‘Know it was a mistake the minute it came out of my mouth.

Wingman

AmenadielPaul’s wrists were too thick to fit in those chains.
Lucifer: I know. That man never could pass on dessert, could he?
Amenadiel: He should have been the saint of…
Lucifer and Amenadiel: Honey cakes.

Chloe: Remember the Palmetto case I was telling you about?
Lucifer: The case that’s been consuming you, causing people to despise you, call you names–I even quarreled on occasion because of it? No, doesn’t ring a bell.

Lucifer: You’re not busy, are you?
Chloe: Actually, shocker, I am busy. And it’s really not a good day for… your… ‘Luciferness’.

Lucifer: Now, I’m not one to get into the feels, usually, but… you seem genuinely distressed. You okay? Do you want to–I don’t know–chat about it or something? Sex is always on the table.

Amenadiel: You sure you don’t want to chase after her? Maybe I can ask Father for some rain and make it ‘a moment’.

Et Tu, Doctor?

Dan: We brought you a birthday gift.
Lucifer: Is that the royal “we”?
Chloe: Whiskey with a pickle juice chaser. It’s our station’s birthday tradition.
Lucifer: Lovely! How can I refuse? Can I refuse?
Dan: Of course you can. and we’ll always think less of you.

Lucifer: You’re supposed to be on my side, you know.
Linda: No. I’m supposed to help you process your emotions so that you can deal with them constructively.
Lucifer: Yes, by being on my side and realizing that I’m right.

Linda: What’s bothering you right now?
Lucifer: Well… right now I’m experiencing a very odd feeling. It’s–it’s like a fat man sitting on my chest. But not in a fun way.

Chloe: You. You’re really in therapy?
Lucifer: Why is that so surprising?
Chloe: You’re the least reflective person I know.
Lucifer: I have layers. I’m like an onion. An irresistible one.

Chloe: You don’t save a marriage by sleeping with other people.
Lucifer: It can’t hurt to try.
Chloe: Pretty sure it can.

A Priest Walks Into a Bar

Linda: Have you ever considered that all of this excessive partying may be your attempt to fill a void?
Lucifer: “Attempt”? I filled five voids last night.
Linda: That’s not what I meant.

Lucifer: The most evil of people have the most normal names, I’ve experienced. Beware anyone named Keith.

Father Frank: We all have demons inside.
Lucifer: My demon tends the bar.

Father Frank: It’s okay. I’m not afraid of dying.
Lucifer: Well, you should be. It’s really boring where you’re going.

Father Frank: We might not always understand it, but God has a plan.
Lucifer: Yes, I know. But why does everybody always think it’s a good plan?

Maze: I made a friend today.
Linda: That’s fantastic news. Who?
Maze: An eight-year-old girl who wandered into the bar.
Linda: Well… that’s a start. Perhaps the next one can be of legal drinking age.

Chloe: I can’t believe that I would let myself care for him again. I mean, why? So I get hurt?
Lucifer: Um, no, because you’re a kind person who puts the needs of others before your own. It’s a horrible irony that my father invented.

St. Lucifer

Lucifer: I love L.A. Even the homeless have an IMDB page.

Maze: You can’t be mad at me forever.
Lucifer: Oh, but I can. It’s one of the luxuries of being the Devil.

Chloe: Oh, God, what have I done?
Lucifer: Don’t worry, my father’s the forgiving sort. Well, except when it comes to me.

Lucifer: I know some folks who moved to Buenos Aires back in the day.
Vanessa Dunlear: Oh. Good people?
Lucifer: Nazis. No extradition treaty in Argentina. Just a nasty bunch of miscreants hiding in plain sight. Gosh, they got away with murder.

Chloe: Only you could turn a tragic death into an excuse to talk about you.
Lucifer: Well, who else would I talk about?

TeamLucifer

Chloe: Where have you been?
Lucifer: Ah, you know me—busy, busy, No rest for the wicked.
Chloe: Right. ‘Cause deviant foreplay is so time-consuming.
Maze: Want to watch?

Malcolm Graham: Just wanted to do my part for the man of the hour.
Lucifer: It’s the wink with the porn stache sending the wrong message, I think.

Chloe: What happened?
Lucifer: Well… where do I begin? With the grandest fall in the history of time? Or perhaps the far more agonizing punishment that followed? To be blamed for every morsel of evil humanity’s endured, every atrocity committed in my name? As though I wanted people to suffer. All I ever wanted was to be my own man here. To be judged for my own doing. And for that? I’ve been shown how truly powerless I am. That even the people trusted–the one person, you–could be used to hurt me.

Maze: Come on, you can’t say this isn’t the best sex you’ve ever had. Well, it is the only sex you’ve ever had, but still.

Lucifer: If that’s supposed to be an offering to me, I decline on grounds of salmonella.

Take Me Back To Hell

Lucifer: So how’s this? Step one, travel back in time and not make such a mess of things.
Amenadiel: You know, I’m suddenly reminded of why I wanted you dead in the first place.

Chloe: Just pretend you don’t know Lucifer.
Dan: I already like it.

Lucifer: Look, I know you think I’m a bad guy, but I’m simply trying to catch our dear friend Malcolm… so I can tear his arms and legs off.

Lucifer: Don’t move or ‘wobbly head’ gets it.

Lucifer: I don’t know if this is all part of the plan. Or if You can even hear me. but if You’re up there… Dad… I need a favor. I’ll be the son You always wanted me to be. I’ll do as You ask. Go where You want me to. I… In exchange, all I ask is… is that you protect Chloe.

Season 2

Everything’s Coming Up Lucifer

Amenadiel: Luci, you don’t think she helped Mom escape, do you?
Lucifer: Well, that doesn’t sound like the kind of evil, duplicitous thing a demon would do, now, does it?

Lucifer: There’s so much punishment, so little time.

Lucifer: Ah, well, there’s no reason to thank me for my heroism. Well, maybe just a little. No one’s stopping you.

Lucifer: They had sex. The only trouble was, they were celestial beings, so that moment created the universe.
Linda Martin: Mm, the Big Bang?
Lucifer: Never knew how appropriate the name was until now, did you?

Lucifer: Maze always turns up eventually. She’s like a bad penny… in tight leather pants.

Roberta Beliard: She has so much cocaine up her nose, it would snow if you shook her.
Lucifer: Yes, I’ve tried that.

Liar, Liar, Slutty Dress on Fire

Charlotte Richards: I apologize for my human form, but… at least this one has supreme hindquarters.
Lucifer: You’re lying.
Charlotte: No. They’re quite sturdy, feel it.
Lucifer: I wasn’t referring, nor will I ever refer, to your butt, Mother.

Charlotte: What happened to your wings, son?
Lucifer: I cut them off.
Charlotte: Why would you… I mean ‘come to Earth’, ‘get a haircut’, or something, but that’s a little extreme.

Lucifer: You tell me not to ravage suspects in front of you. Now I can’t do it behind your back either? I mean, make your mind up, detective?

Maze: You want me to babysit?
Lucifer: Well, “my mum in the body of a disturbingly hot woman”-sit, but yes, for now.

Charlotte: Mazikeen, what is this strange gooey substance that this boy is cooing about?
Maze: You watching porn?

Lucifer: I mean, how far can a celestial being trapped in a feeble human body for the first time get?
Maze: Well, let’s see. She’s stupid hot, wearing my clothes, and she’s got a corporate credit card.
Lucifer: … Bollocks.

Sin-Eater

Lucifer: (after a victim’s crotch is set on fire) Goodness gracious, great balls of fire.
Chloe: Lucifer.
Lucifer: I mean, I’ve heard of hot pants, but this really brings new meaning – to the term “fire crotch,” doesn’t it?
Chloe: Lucifer.
Lucifer: Wait. I have more. Smokey Bobinson. Weekend at Burnie’s.
Ella Lopez: His burning bush?
Lucifer: Oh, very good. That was actually me, by the way, so don’t tell anyone.

Lucifer: “Judgment day”? People should really be careful how they use that phrase. It isn’t actually due for another couple of years.

Charlotte: (about humans) They eat, darling. All they do is eat. And then, afterwards, the food comes out changed, and not for the better.

Chloe: “Do not touch the charred crotch”, is a sentence I never thought I’d say out loud.

Lucifer: Oh, goodness me, I should have known. Halitosis–first sign of evil.

Lady Parts

Maze: And how’s that human husband?
Charlotte: I discovered a trick with him. Whenever he asks a question, I have sex with him. Seems to render him mute.
Maze: Hmm. Took me a while to figure that one out.

Chloe: How’d you get in here?
Maze: Let’s just say Samantha at the front desk is no longer into men.

Lucifer: Yes, my first startup was a sex club, actually. Little place called “Eden.” Perhaps you’ve heard of it.

Dan: Classic Chloe. Only you would make a point of remembering the exact amount of time you can’t remember.

Lucifer: Oh, come on, who doesn’t love a sex party? Then again, if you’re me, every party’s a sex party of sorts.

Lucifer: Oh, gosh, I detest cats. Want an animal to stare at you with contempt? Get a cat. Open a bag of excrement in your house. Cat.

Chloe: You’re a very, very deranged person.
Maze: Thanks.

Weaponizer

Chloe: He had a drug problem, right?
Lucifer: Well, only if you consider ingesting millions of dollars of cocaine a problem. I call it a Tuesday. But apparently it’s frowned upon.

Lucifer: Remind me at some point to give you a refresher on the meaning of loyalty.

Amenadiel: It’s time that I face the truth, brother. I’ve fallen.
Lucifer: Well. Welcome to the club. Meetings are on Tuesdays.

Lucifer: For the next day or so, I’m going to need you to be unpredictable. Whatever you normally do, just do the opposite.
Chloe: Too bad. I was totally going to have sex with you today.

Amenadiel: You were gone for a really long time, mom. You might not know your children as well as you think you do.
Charlotte: You may be right. But, at least for now I have you and Lucifer. My brave boys. So, if I’m here on earth two more years or two hours, I will take every moment I can get.

Chloe: So, you used to be married to an action star, only to divorce him and marry another action star?
Jamie Lee Adrienne: Yeah, it was the 90s. We did a lot of coke.

Chloe: We can’t control what happens to us only how it affects us and the choices we make.

Monster

Chloe: You look like hell.
Lucifer: Not heard that before.

Lucifer: Detective, I found you a lead.
Chloe: Where–in her mouth?
Lucifer: Yes, actually. Imagine what I can find in other orifices.

Chloe: Are you drunk?
Lucifer: I wish. Pesky supernatural metabolism keeps getting in the way.

Dr. Martin: If you change your mind, my door is always open.
Lucifer: Well, feel free to shut it.

Chloe: I don’t buy it. Every time you say that you don’t care or you’re evil or you’re the devil, I know that’s not who you really are.

Chloe: Seriously? A sex swing?
Maze: I know, right? Wanna hop on?
.

Trip to Stabby Town

Lucifer: I think I’ve broken my therapist. And now she’s somewhere to the left of totally useless and to the right of babbling lunatic.
Chloe: Oh, so she’s you in a skirt.

Ella: Come clean with me. Or I can’t keep this a secret anymore.
Lucifer: You see, that’s just it. The last person I came clean with became a tad untethered.
Ella: Dude, I grew up in Detroit.

Linda: Oh, my God. I had sex with the Devil.
Lucifer: Many, many times. And you’re welcome.

Ella: That’s why great ideas come in the shower.
Lucifer: For me, it’s usually women.

Ella: Favors are about faith.
Lucifer: Ugh. Please don’t ruin favors for me.

Homewrecker

Lucifer: It’s not my home, it never was.
Linda: And neither was Hell.
Lucifer: No. No, that was somewhere I was sent as punishment. Like the DMV, but less screaming.

Dr. Martin: I find that people make Los Angeles their home for one of two reasons: They’re running from something, or looking for something.

Chloe: When were you going to mention that you’re personally involved in this case?
Lucifer: When you asked me.

Lucifer: Dr. Linda had a crash course on celestial beings. It only melted her brain for about a week.

Lucifer: Doctor, this is my mom in a disturbingly hot body.

Lucifer: Detective, are you thinking what I’m thinking?
Chloe: I doubt it.

Quid Pro Ho

Lucifer: Detective Decker is out there protecting them. She is… truly good. And I don’t mean in bed. I wouldn’t know. That’s how good she is.

Chloe: You’ve got a lot of nerve.
Charlotte: Yes, I’ve been told. And legs for days.

Amenadiel: You can’t kill her, mom.
Charlotte: Of course I can. I just push the button.

Chloe: I bet you an arm and a leg, mom, that he has no idea what today is.
Lucifer: That’s not particularly wise of you to wage your lovely extremities, Detective.

Lucifer: Consider me an emotional jockstrap for the Decker family jewels.

Charlotte: You need to see that you’re not meant to be together. You belong to your family.
Tom Ellis Tom Ellis Lucifer Morningstar 67 episodes, 2015-2019  Lauren German Lauren German Chloe Decker 67 episodes, 2015-2019  Kevin Alejandro Kevin Alejandro Dan Espinoza 57 episodes, 2015-2018  D.B. Woodside D.B. Woodside Amenadiel 57 episodes, 2015-2018  Lesley-Ann Brandt Lesley-Ann Brandt Mazikeen 57 episodes, 2015-2018  Scarlett Estevez Scarlett Estevez Trixie 57 episodes, 2015-2018  Rachael Harris Rachael Harris Linda Martin 57 episodes, 2015-2018  Tricia Helfer Tricia Helfer Charlotte 44 episodes, 2016-2018  Aimee Garcia Aimee Garcia Ella Lopez 44 episodes, 2016-2018  Tom Welling Tom Welling Marcus Pierce