Best The Simpsons TV show 43 Image Quotes and Memorable Sayings
Otto: I’ll have you know I’m also a hair donor. Salma Hayek wore me to the Oscars.
Homer: [on Maggie] Let her slice off the tip of your ear and she’ll go right to sleep.
Homer: That’s not a choice you get to make.
Nelson Muntz: Give me your fortune or I’ll pound your withered old face in!
Mr. Burns: Ooh, I like his energy. Put him on the callback list.
Martin Prince: [Singing] Clang, clang, clang went the trolley. Ring, ring, ring went the bell. Zing, zing, zing went my heartstrings–
[Nelson runs onto the stage and cold cocks him. Martin collapses.]
Mr. Burns: Thank you. Give the bully an extra point.
Marge: Don’t even bother shooting us. We found a new place we love. It may not have indoor plumbing, but it has something else we treasure more.
Homer: Yeah, non jerks!
[The crowd gasps as Quimby and Wiggum realizes they were unfair to the Simpsons.]
Marge: In our new community people accept each other for who they are. I thought I wanted to come back to my house, but instead I’m going back to my Home!
Homer: And now because it’s after noon, I can go to Moe’s without having a “drinking problem.”
Moe: Hey, Homer. I could hear your pathetic rationalizing through the door.
Homer: While the children are bouncing around why we don’t do a little bouncing too.
Marge: That it’s even more romantic than what you said at quarterbacks.
Homer: [lowers a table out of the hotel window; then drops it] Got it, Barn?
Barney: [offscreen, below hotel] Got what? [table drops on his head] Ow!
Principal Skinner: You’re stealing a table?
Homer: I’m not stealing it. Hotels expect you to take a few things. It’s a souvenir!
Principal Skinner: Ah… Is that my necktie you’re wearing?
Dolph: Hey, Martin Princess. If you like that cello so much, why don’t you marry it?
Chalmers: No heckling!
Skinner: Way to crush him, sir.
Kearney: Hey, Skinner! If you like Chalmers so much, why don’t you marry him?
Skinner: Well, as the superintendent, he’s married to all the principals.
Chalmers: Thank you. You’ve made the anniversary of my wife’s death even more depressing.
[Bart sees Skinner in the jury; Skinner thinks his thoughts to him]
Principal Skinner: I know you can read my thoughts, Bart. Just a little reminder: If I find out you cut class, your ass is mine. Yeah, you heard me. I think words I would never say. [camera pans left to Homer]
Homer: I know you can read my thoughts, boy. [sings Meow Mix jingle] Meow-meow-meow-meow, meow-meow-meow-meow, meow-meow-meow-meow-meow-meow-meow-meow.
“It takes two to lie. One to lie, and one to listen.”
Bart: Come on, Chalmie, you fired Skinner for less than this.
Superintendent Chalmers: Yeah, I did, but… Skinner really bugged me. Besides, the way America’s public schools are sliding, they’ll all be this way in a few months. I say, lay back and enjoy it, it’s a hell of a toboggan ride.
Ned: [over PA] Well, cockly-doodly-doo, little buddies. Let’s thank the Lord for another beautiful school day.
Superintendent Chalmers: Thank the Lor– thank the Lord? That sounded like a prayer. A prayer. A prayer in a public school! God has no place within these walls, just like facts have no place within organized religion. Simpson, you get your wish. Flanders is history!
“As long as everybody is videotaping everybody else, justice will be done.”
Ralph: I’m turning my back on you. [does a 360] Hi, Bart!
[a stone suddenly crashes through Burns’ library glass window, landing at his feet]
Mr. Burns: Oh, look. A bird has become petrified and lost its sense of direction.
Smithers: I think it is a rock, sir.
Mr. Burns: We’ll see what the lab has to say about that.
Mrs. Bouvier: Oh, Monty, I swear you’re the devil himself.
Mr. Burns: I…Who told you?! …Oh, ah, yes.
Milhouse: She loves me, she loves me not. Oh, why do I always use flowers with two pedals?
Bart: After breakfast, I and Milhouse are going down to the ravine. We got a tip from a five-year-old that there’s a dead Martian down there.
Lisa: And I’m going to jam with the Little White Girls Blues Quartet. [to Homer]: Wanna come with me, Daddy-o?
Homer: Sorry, honey. I’d love to, but Daddy has to go to a beer-drinking contest.
Bart: Think you’ll win?
Homer: Son, when you participate in sporting events, it’s not whether you win or lose; it’s how drunk you get.
Sea Captain: Fools! This whole contest was a ruse! [Homer then yelps after being grabbed by two Fogburyport citizens] You are here to be sacrificed to an evil god from the ocean depths.
Sea Captain: No! To the eternal lord of horror, Cthulhu!
Sea Captain: An eating contest against the monstrous Cthulhu? To him, the Great Barrier Reef is just an average barrier reef.
Lisa: Well, my dad didn’t eat breakfast.
Kent Brockman: This is Kent Brockman. I’m here with three local blue-collar men who voted for Trump. How do you feel now?
Blue-Collar Man: Please stop interviewing us.
Kent Brockman: Never!